Crazy Dashing Night

 

So last night was ... different, shall we say. I WAS warned that when Kentucky loses, people get cranky, a fact I should already know from my college days as a cocktail waitress!

Also. Sunday nights are already notoriously low tips. I have no idea why - because people already blew their money on Friday and Saturday?

Thus, I've spoken with a few dashers that stopped dashing entirely on Sunday, resulting just this past week on an additional $2 added per trip.

This is both a blessing and a curse, because it means there's not enough dashers on, and those that are will invariably get stacked orders - 1-3 orders together.

As I ended up having to explain to one of the customers who complained about the time, you can bypass this by paying an extra $2 for "direct delivery" and they won't stack you regardless of amount of dashers on, and if they do anyway, then you can ask for a refund. I also explained it's frustrating for me, too, as I lose out on trips.

The thing is, I got into this conversation because the second restaurant was 15 minutes behind, so I always text or call to see if that's an okay wait or they wish to cancel. 

And that is what I did here, only the customer didn't answer. 

So I texted "My apologies, the restaurant is 10-15 behind and I received 2 orders here. Would you like me to wait or cancel?"

Then, just before I rounded the corner to drop it off, I finally receive a text saying "We see our order got delayed with DoorDash - again. Our food will again be cold."

I assured them that I put their food in an insulated bag, as well as what I said above. 

This is why most dashers don't even bother to communicate with them because sometimes they don't even realize the time until you just told them 😂

However, it's just good customer service - and MOST customers actually appreciate that - which is why I have all 5-star ratings, particularly on communication and friendliness - and sometimes they actually up my tip for explaining this to them and sharing in their frustration because I lose trips having to wait.

IMO, this is good customer service, letting the customer know you're on it and you DO care - and it also lets them know that certain things are beyond the dasher's control.

There was another person like that, which is unusual, smoothed that one over, too.

But then the very last delivery of the night, things went nuts.

I was like "Is it a full moon or what?"  😂

Here's what happened. 

I get 2 orders for the same restaurant, 2 different customers.

This restaurant, which is usually on the ball and already has the orders ready when I arrive, was way behind - and training a new person on carryout food, to boot. 

It became clear to me, and the other 5 dashers waiting there, that the new person was nervous, and wasn't receiving any help at all from other staff (though he never said so).

I texted the customers to let them know this, as I do.

40 minutes later, Mark comes storming in the store demanding to know what the problem is, yelling about how we're losing money.

I told him to please let me handle this - this person is new, we've all been new before - just take a seat.

At that point, I said quietly to the manager, essentially just standing there, staring off into space at the cash register, "Well, we have all been new, I get it - but my husband has a point, we are starting to lose trips and money. Any way someone could help him? I think he may need help and may be just too proud to say so?" 

Manager just says "No - he's got to learn to do this himself."

I'm thinking "During dinner rush, when you have 5 dashers already standing here, waiting for 40 minutes for upscale fast food? Allllrighty." - but I say nothing.

Then, while I'm waiting, I call the first customer and tell her the issue, it's going on 40 minutes. 

She says "Um - I got your first message and thought it was a mistake, because I didn't order anything from DoorDash. Which card was used?"

I explained I can't see the card number, they don't show us that so no dashers can steal the numbers. 

She asks for the address.

Turns out, it was her best friend, using her DD account, with her own card, so it's fine.

Okay, Fire #1 put out.

40 minutes later, the food is finally ready - Fire #2 is put out - or so I think.

Now, we discovered the customer put in the wrong address on the second order.

When she did put in the right one, it was a huge apartment complex and she gave me the apartment number, she gave no info about which building, which entrance, or which way to turn to get to it. Sometimes the apps pins it for you, sometimes it doesn't - so always a good idea to put in this information as a customer.

Thus, we spent 15 minutes trying to find each other in the dark with flashlights, using the phone and the apps to see where each other were lol.

Fire #3, put out.

Fire #4, was essentially Mark, who was going ballistic over lost time and money, estimating we'd lost about $50 bucks over this mess, now mad at ME.

Mark: "God dammit, Chrystal, you were too nice again! I could tell by the looks on their faces, they were like 'Oh, this lady is always nice and patient, she'll wait and be patient." People take advantage of it, and when you finally do blow, this is why it comes as a surprise and people don't get it. I know you CAN fight back, but you wait too long!" 

"This isn't just like they got the order wrong, this is lost income because of their incompetence! You need to get in their faces and yell and point and tell them to do their jobs! " 

"This is why when you finally do speak up or go off on someone after repeat offenses, they're shocked because it appears to come out of nowhere, when it's actually build-up, because you never said anything before."

Me: "What you want is for me to act like a Karen, after  I just stepped over my bounds somewhat already yesterday with somebody? And I'm NOT going to act like a Karen regardless, that's just not me - that's your way, not mine." 

"And you do NOT seem to understand that men CAN can do that, but women can NEVER do that - especially in the South, you just refuse to get that." 

"Maybe women can in the North, but you can't do that here, especially as a woman. You will be branded a Karen or a crazy bitch, which can happen anywhere, yes - but definitely in the South." 

"My grandma used to say you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar and she was right, especially here. You have to sugar coat everything, passive-aggressive is the only language people understand here."

"I tried to explain this to my sister, Kim, at a store here one day, after she tore into a store clerk here, after she'd lived in Chicago for years, after we grew up in Cincy." 

"She romanticizes the South and life here, basing it upon childhood visits, but she never actually lived here, especially as an adult. It's a real wake-up call when you actually live here, especially as an adult." 

"In fact, I eventually had to squeeze her hand after the horrified looks on the store clerks' faces,  and whispered to her to please let me handle the situation -  and she still didn't get it, either. "

"Your way -  or Kim's Karen way - will accomplish nothing here but NOT getting what you need, dismissed as a crazy Karen, spit in your food, and possibly going viral on TikTok 😂."

Mark: "I don't care what they think! In Detroit, this is the only way to get shit done! I'm gonna drive back to this store now, and let them know how much money we lost, we're not on hourly like they are."

Me: "Oh my GOD, no!"

Mark: "Well, you may not bitch, but I will, They cost us at least $50 bucks we desperately need right now for gas to keep doing this!"

Me: "Okay, let's go after I drop off this last order  - BUT - here's my compromise. We go back, but let ME do the talking to practice being more assertive in the moment - BUT it's my way, which is discussion, not tirade - deal? " 

"IF you promise to let me handle it, Mr. Detroit, and not to say a freaking word."

So I'm shaking inside doing this, but it was better than Mark doing it, believe me!

So I go in, and the moment I walk in, the entire front line of people of color just stared at me like I was some sort of racist Karen.

Uh-oh - since I'm pretty sure I was nice about it - WTH happened after I left?

So I just smiled and said: "Hi! Is ... everything okay?"

They all seemed surprised, softened, and then smiled and said "Hi" back -  appearing confused.

Then they shifted/pointed with their eyes toward the manager.

I see - so they all got reamed after I left - for doing exactly what he told them to do - back off and let the new guy do it all himself so he could learn, though it was dinner rush.

So I asked the manager, again standing at the cash register -  doing nothing but staring off into space -  if I could have a word - but  now within earshot of the others.

"I just wanted to discuss with you what happened tonight, so we can both improve and prevent it happening again in the future, will that be all right? Because as you know, I deliver here all the time and it's normally not like this." 

"I don't know if you all know how dashers get paid, many people don't. So we're not paid hourly or by mileage, we only get $2 per trip regardless of distance unless there's a promotion; thus, we rely on our tips rather than hourly, which they can adjust up or down." 

"The problem with that is, the customer doesn't know who's fault it is, all they know is their food is late and then we get the blame."

"Now, these orders were a mess for a multitude of reasons, it was a cursed order from the beginning lol -  wrong address put in, friend put in an order on another friend's account etc., which isn't your fault; however, waiting 40 minutes on two burritos and chips and cheese did had the biggest big hand in keeping that snowball effect rolling -  culminating in loss of over an hour worth of trips worth about $50 bucks, you feel me on that?"

"I'm not mad, I just have a suggestion - it was pretty clear the new person needed help, though he didn't say so. None of us likes to ask for help, but it was clear to me and other dashers that he needed it." 

"As you know, I come in here almost every night and you all are on the ball, but everyone can have a bad night. And his trainer, here, she's excellent - smart, funny. And HE'S gonna be great with time, too -  but he may need more help right now. Everybody needs a little help sometimes?"

At this point, the girl smiled at me and mouthed "thank you." 

Then she leaned back and smiled at the new kid to get his attention to what I was saying, praising him  - making it clear that they had gotten reamed over it after I left and that it wasn't me being hard on them - which explained the chilly reception when I returned.

However, realizing that immediately is why I chose to say what I had to say in front of them this time. 😉

Again, they got reamed by that manager later, mind you, for doing exactly what that manager told them to do - back off and let him do this himself, because  "he has to learn" - despite 5 dashers standing there and being 40 minutes behind!?!

The manager said "That's true, I'm a new manager and nobody likes to ask for help. I probably need to recognize that better. "

I said, "No worries, it's all good, we all have learning experiences, myself included - and I know this isn't your usual - just wanting to make sure you knew my intent wasn't to offend or criticize, just offer ways to help us all get this food out in time so we all stay out of trouble lol."

"Hope I haven't offended anyone, just brainstorming about how we can prevent the same from repeating itself."

Then, of course, as I was walking away, Mark comes trotting up there, renegging on our deal to let me handle it, leans over and says something clearly shitty as I was walking away.

THEN I got a snippy, for sure - with Mark! 😂

"Mark? This was my compromise with you versus just walking away VS you going ballistic, so what the hell did you just say? What did he just say to you?"

No one answered me, including Mark, so I still have no idea what he said - because the only response I got from anyone was the trainer girl just winking at me 😂

(The wink meaning both you knew what was up AND the mutual understanding we women have about how men can behave, but women can't.)

So I left, not sure whether to feel proud of myself or embarrassed. 😂

Then again, why am I the only person feeling embarrassed and/or doing all the apologizing?

I must've apologized to both customers like 8 times, despite the fact that none of it was my fault.

It wasn't my fault the restaurant was behind - and I did tell the customers the moment the restaurant told me they were.

It wasn't my fault one of those customers put in the wrong address, then when she did give it, she gave no directions as to which apartment building, which entrance, or which way to go and the app led me to the office.

It wasn't my fault that some girl's friend used her DoorDash account to order food.

And yet here I am, the only one apologizing, bowing and scraping repeatedly, for all of it, as if it WAS my fault!

So in a way, Mark is right - but then again, going all Karen in someone's face about it isn't me and it definitely isn't gonna help.

I have got to find that happy medium for me between being understanding and assertive, after waiting until I can't take one more minute of it and blow, confusing everyone!

Assertiveness is tricky for women in general, but especially in the South - there is essentially just one route - walk away, use humor, even if it's costing you money/time or literally physically hurting you.

I still struggle with that, clearly. Maybe I'll figure it out, someday.

Regardless, even when I feel like I handled something well, why do I still walk away feeling embarrassed for speaking up at all?

I dunno - new question for my therapist  😂

Ted Cruz on College Game Day ... and I Have a Problem I Need to Work On ...

 

Apparently, Ted Cruz was on College Game Day yesterday, talking about the College Sports Bill about to go through congress. Also, he was apparently booed so loudly no one could really hear what he was saying.

I didn't see it because we don't have full cable anymore, just subscriptions to certain channels, so I'm not going to comment on what he said - plus I still have to finish watching the 20/20 thing on Lindsay Clancy because I still have a post hanging out there about what to think about THAT. 

So here's the thing about Ted Cruz - I personally can't stand him, but one thing I was recently pleasantly surprised by was his standing up for both late-night-show comedians, Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel, against Trump/the government targeting them for cancelation. 

The one thing Ted Cruz does right is when he says freedom of speech, he means it - for BOTH political sides - he's not a hypocrite, at least on THAT point lol. 

Thus, I don't want to be a hypocrite myself by condemning him for his right to freedom of speech on TV.

But at the same time, 10 minutes IS a bit long right before a football game, when the season has just started, right? 

AND though the bill he's talking about is bipartisan and is relevant to sports, there is an opposing side that wasn't presented.

Thus, if you were going to do it, since it's bipartisan, put both a Republican AND a Democrat on, in order to illustrate its bipartisan nature, in the spirit of doing something together, for a change? 😂

Maybe there would've been less booing and it would be heard better! 

Also, if you're going to do that, the opposing side should be allowed to voice their concerns?

But since there's no time for all of that, maybe it would be better not to do it all, then, huh? 😉

Otherwise, I don't know about the bill enough to comment one way or the other on it, other than to say with what little I know about it, one thing I don't like is the language used - referring to human beings in commodity terms like "market value" and "ownership rights" and all of that nonsense. 

I mean, we ARE still talking about human beings here, not iPhones -  or worse, slaves!

Anyway, I later ran into trouble over this issue and I realized a problem that I really need to work on. 😏

So one of Mark's family threads is just for the siblings only - which is fine by me because I feel like they need that rebonding time after family events years ago, and I feel like the 5 of them are getting closer than ever, which makes me so happy! 🥰

I mean, they don't forbid the spouses from being on it, it's just kind of unspoken, and none of us mind because we talk on another thread or privately, and all the spouses realize the importance of that rebonding for the 5 of them. 😊

I usually don't even know what they talk about unless Mark wants to show me a picture I haven't seen yet, or someone says something hilarious, or there's like a natural disaster going on (like hurricanes or wildfires) and their personal experiences with it that I haven't already heard  - something I don't already know from other communication. 

Or like if I'm mentioned for some reason, and it's clear they want it shared with me for reaction, either because it's something positive or to tease me about something - usually about my being from Kentucky and hillbilly stuff 😂

But you have to understand, they don't mean a word of it - teasing is the Chaplow family's love language 😂

Teasing is my family's love language, too, it's just a different brand, so it did take some getting used to -  plus at first, I was super intimidated by them anyway, as they are all highly intelligent, accomplished people!

Then I realized over time that despite their high IQs and accomplishments, they're all just a bunch of nerdy goofballs, too, underneath, and that they have their own particular brand of teasing as their love language 😂

For example, Mark was lamenting the redneck man-made lakes and beaches here in Kentucky versus the natural, beautiful ones in Michigan, and how I inexplicably loved my Kentucky lake beaches anyway and there was nothing he could do about it. 😂

Sibling C said "There's actually a lake in Michigan called Crystal Lake, how does she feel about THAT?" - then shared a Friday the 13th meme of hockey-mask wearing Jason with a knife at Crystal Lake (Crystal Lake is also the name of the lake in that movie). 😂

Mark shared it with me and I laughed out loud, and then Mark shared that my response was "That's right, Bitches - don't mess with my lakes!" 😂

However, yesterday, Mark wanted my opinion on something andth showed me the thread because he wasn't sure what to say or do to break the tension, and particularly because bible verses were now being shared, and he wanted to ask me about them.

So though they usually avoid politics, Sibling A mentioned Ted Cruz needing to shut up after a 10-minute speech lol. 

I mean, 10 minutes IS a little long for this strange appearance on College Game Day, that's true.

Then Sibling B chimed in with his thoughts on the bill and went on to say that he "Researches his candidates carefully and votes against anybody with ties to socialism."

The Sibling A wrote back "As opposed to a dictatorship?"

(Hehehe ... though I love them both dearly, I admit, I privately applauded that clever clapback 😂)

Cleverness is also a Chaplow family trait! 

Then Sibling B wrote not to misunderstand his intent, that he actually believes we should pray for and respect all authority regardless of party, sharing bible verses to illustrate his point.

Then Mark, trying to break the tension, chimed in with something  both absurd and funny with"God Save the Queen" 😝

Mark: "I ... don't know what to do. I don't like this. And what about the bible verses he used?"

Me: "Well, you don't HAVE to say or do anything, you don't have to fix everything, Big Brother, ya know. 😜 They're just venting, I don't think anyone's actually mad at anyone else." 

"But you DO know how much I hate it when somebody brings bible verses in and mixes them with politics and that I'm likely going to react to that - is that why you showed it to me?  lol. Okay, so mind if I privately text Sibling B then, and are you sure? 

Mark also knows that most of my fellow Christians don't want to get into a political debate with me, trying to misuse the bible for support, because they'll lose every time. 😂

 

I studied the bible, and other religious texts, at a collegiate level, in their historical and cultural context -  to include the scriptures and laws all cultures swiped, borrowed, or otherwise incorporated into their own faiths and pretended like it was their own idea 😂 

 

The truth is, NO religion is in its purest original form - they all swiped texts from each other!

 

In fact, the only truly unique thing about Christianity is that though other deities or prophets have made sacrifices for humanity in some way (Egyptians and Greeks in particular), or they suffered/were martyred over their faith, Jesus really is the only deity or prophet to ever die in true sacrifice to pay the price for human redemption from their own misdoings.  

Anyway - so I did. 😏

Let me just start by saying that I genuinely love ALL of Mark's siblings, even the ones Mark butts heads with most (IMO, mostly because they're more alike than they care to admit 😂)

However, I'm probably the closest to Sibling B, as Sibling B loves and talks to everyone - as the exact middle child, he's the mediator and gets along with everyone!

In fact, IMO, Sibling B is the glue holding everybody together (a fact which I've told him.)

You also need to know that though the rest of the family is Catholic, Sibling B has converted to a more evangelistic form of the faith a few years ago and he's super excited about it.

As for me, I speak both languages 😂

Anyway, I wrote Sibling B and I don't have the text thread in front of me for verbatim, and this isn't everything we talked about, but testing my memory, the gist went something like ...

Me:  "Brother, I love you, I respect what you have to say, but please reconsider using bible verses to support your political stances, okay? Jesus was neither Republican or Democrat."

Sibling B:  "You confused my intent. I did say my personal opinion and then added that actually God requires we pray for and respect all authority."

Me: "Well, when you give your personal political opinion first and then start quoting bible verses later, it conflates the issue and sounds like God is putting his stamp of approval on just your personal political perspective, when that may not be the case."

Sibling B: "My actual intent was just to say that we should pray for them and respect them, no matter what. Just quoting facts" and "Either the bible is true or it isn't."

Me: "It's not that simple. There are mistranslations, differing interpretations, there have been parts removed, there's context [including at what point in their ministry they said these things, to whom, and why they were said to that person]." 

They were all human except Christ - and the miracle part is that Christ's message survived all of that and was separate from almost all of the rest of the bible." 

"Also, the bible - and people - evolved over time, helped along in particular BECAUSE of Christ's message of compassion and mercy, between old testament and new, and Christ encouraged us to KEEP evolving our law in love." 

"But then there's Paul afterwards, the consummate politician, who kept waffling back and forth between Christ's new message versus OT /Levitican law, just to please the Pharisees, which is something Christ would never do. " 

"People act like Paul's word is gospel, when in fact, he was human versus Christ and made mistakes. The bible just doesn't narrate his mistakes as it did David's, so we're left trying to figure them out ourselves - i.e., Paul refusing to have Timothy circumcised because he said it wasn't important, but then did so later, caving to the Pharisees's pressure on him to do so." 

"When Paul was focused on the love of Christ, there was no better orator - but when he wasn't - and was instead trying to please the Pharisees, re-adhering to OT/Levitican law, thereby directly contradicting Christ -  I believe we are supposed to choose Christ over Paul." 

"One of the things I'm proudest of about this country is separation of church and state exactly for that reason - we can't even agree with each other regarding Christianity 😂" 

"Also, socialism and fascism are 2 sides of the exact same extremist government-control coin. Just because Trump doesn't paint himself as a socialist  dictator doesn't mean he isn't one - methinks the smeller is the feller, actually, with most of his accusations lol "

Sibling B: "Yes, the sanctity in the sacrifice of Christ. Yeah, I may have gone too far. I always appreciate your insight and counsel."

Me: (Realizing that I, myself, had gone too far/overstepped my bounds) 

"No, it's me that overstepped and needs to apologize. I have a real problem with people quoting the bible as authority to support their political opinions, I really overreact to it and I need to work on that, so I'M sorry."

Sibling B is so gracious and loving, he just said ...

Sibling B: "This is why I love you - you re-examine things and pull back after looking at it from a more heavenly perspective."

Ha! I wouldn't go THAT far 😂

And yet SELF-examination is actually supposed to be the biggest part of Christianity, which most Christians forget in favor of judging others!

And yet Sibling B is great at it, genuinely - and isn't he great? 🥰

Then we both admitted to being human and it turned out wonderfully, and yet I really felt bad and embarrassed and realized that I really have to get a handle on why this bothers me to this degree, right?

I mean, I know WHY it bothers me so much - but other people don't - and it's not like I attacked him, but still, not my business or place and he has a right to say and do what he wants, right?

Ergo my point, we are all still human, after all - but ya gotta get a handle on your own stuff before you speak, right?

Not to mention it wasn't my business (though Mark did ask me), PLUS I'm more confused than ever about even the existence of God or truth in any of it recently; thus, I have no business even commenting it at all!

Ugh, me, sometimes, right?

Will I ever learn?

Again, don't answer that 😂

Ella Langley ... and The Judds?

 

So I'm not a huge country music fan, with the exception of classic country/honky tonk like Hank Williams and Patsy Cline, or even Rockabilly like Johnny Cash or Dolly Parton.

And Bluegrass of course, to include a mandolin and/or violin, like Alison Krauss -  or folk or blues artists. 

Included in that also are the blues-country/folk-rock crossover singers like Bonnie Raitt and Patti Griffin. 

I also just admire pure talent, like Chris Stapleton or Jelly Roll, singing from the soul. I may not sit and listen to them all day, but I admire their talent and certain songs.

Though country is not my favorite, the same could be said for any genre, I guess - I may admire their talent, but I don't sit and listen to it all day. 

For instance, even though I love classic rock and admire Led Zeppelin's talent, I just can't sit and listen to them all day, and TBH, they're not easy to sing along with overall, they were so improvisational at times. I'd rather listen to their predecessors, blues artists? 

But I have to admit, there is almost nothing sexier than a rugged cowboy with an acoustic guitar, singing his soul out over a campfire, right? 

And with my parents and grandparents being from Kentucky, and living in Kentucky myself for many years, I know who all the country music artists all are.

So I'm cleaning today and listening to the radio, and again today, and Ella Langley's "Choosin' Texas comes on. It's a crossover hit so it's on the pop stations as well. 

Don't get me wrong, I actually really like the song, it's catchy -  but it immediately reminded me of  90s Country, but I couldn't quite put my finger on who until after the song was over.

I started semi-consciously singing The Judds "Grandpa, Tell Me 'Bout the Good Ole' Days" without really thinking about the connection.

I said, "That's It! She sounds like The Judds!"

Then when DoorDashing, last night, we heard Choosin' Texas again and Mark immediately said "This is old-school. In fact, it reminds me of someone, who is it? Who sang that song "Grandpa, Tell Me 'Bout the Good Ole Days? I used to have that on my playlist while traveling with the horses."

That would be, as I said, The Judds. 😊

I mean, I get being influenced by those that came before you and even being able to hear an artist's influences in the music.

And yet where is that line between being influenced by VS. copying them?

It's not an exact copy -  Ella's accent is different, there are different chords, and The Judds sang in a slightly higher key - and yet the chord progression, the tone - especially the chorus, the cadence of it  - it's super close, right?

See what you think.

Here is Ella Langley's "Choosin Texas" ...

And here is The Judds' "Grandpa, Tell Me 'Bout the Good Ole Days" ... 

 

 Do you all hear what we're talking about or are we crazy? 

 (Never mind, don't answer that last part 😂)

Learning About The Lindsay Clancy Case ...

 

... because I know very little about it. 

All I know is that she had a verified psychotic break during postpartum depression and killed her children, then jumped out a second-story window and is now paralyzed from the waist down - and that many women have rallied around her and wanted her acquitted - and that the judge declared a mistrial after just one juror refused to acquit her.

Thus, I'm gonna write my initial thoughts before watching this 20/20 episode on it to see what I'm missing, then update it when I finish it later.

(I have to watch these things in piecemeal because I have other things to do!) 

To be bluntly honest, without knowing those details, if I had a psychotic break and killed my children, no need for people to rally around me this way or that way - I would want the freaking death penalty myself after I came out of it and realized what I'd done, and 

if nothing else, jail me or criminally institutionalize me for life.

Yes, it's due to brain chemistry run amuck, and yet I would still want to be found guilty/criminally institutionalized because of the potential danger of homicidal psychotic episodes. 

That does NOT mean I don't feel sorry for her or women who suffer from post-partum psychosis -  I actually knew personally someone who suffered from postpartum psychosis - just as I feel sorry for schizophrenics, male OR female.

Though I'm prone to depression, I went back on an SSRI literally an hour after I gave birth to prevent any postpartum issues, thank goodness.

However, in the case of a personal friend, she was initially catatonically depressed, then started imagining her baby was shrinking, and later, when she did start to have intrusive thoughts of harming her baby "for its own safety," she knew this wasn't normal - and immediately drove herself to the ER and was hospitalized and didn't get out until she was properly medicated and evaluated every few days for a year afterwards to ensure safety. 

This was even back in the 90s, when the depth of postpartum depression and psychosis were just coming to light - and she otherwise was, and still is, an incredibly kind, empathetic, nurturing person who loves her child without question. 

It didn't fit the person she was at all - that's the power of hormone drop after childbirth and brain chemistry - and yet if you actually act on those things, then should you be shielded from consequence?

Because even when a schizophrenic has a true violent psychotic episode resulting in harm or homicide -  which is uncommon, either for postpartum psychosis OR schizophrenia - they still receive consequences - if nothing else but criminally institutionalized, right?

I also worry about the precedent it would set to acquit her completely without consequence - how many other women will just claim postpartum depression/psychosis as an excuse to just do dastardly things they'd likely do anyway, right?

Most importantly, I'm not trynna be a bad old-school feminist when I say this, but I guess the thing that bothers me most - again, without knowing any of the details - is the sort of framing of Lindsay as a victim, which almost overshadows the brutal murders of 3 innocent children, the actual victims -  which should NOT happen under any circumstances.

I mean, I get that she's potentially a victim of her own brain chemistry or psychiatric treatment failure, and that's very, very sad - but we should never, ever lose sight of the fact that the actual victims, here, are those 3 children. 

Let's see what I think, though, after watching the details.

However, I have to watch it in piecemeal do to other things, so more later ...

The Great Airbnb/VRBO VS. Hotel Debate...

 

Yes, I'm aware it's 9/11, and I have written plenty on the subject before - feel free to check prior posts.

It's not that I don't care, I certainly do - it's just I'm currently in a state where I really need to focus on moving forward. When current situations are frustrating or stressful, it's often helpful to me to focus on future plans - at least it is for me. 

Thus, today's subject is a potential getaway in a few months, and thus to Airbnb or not Airbnb - that is the question. 

TBH, I've used both Airbnb and VRBO several times and never had a single issue; but then again, I ask questions before renting, as well as check reviews carefully - and I mean several reviews, not 2 or 3, who are actually like 3 of their buddies they enlisted to talk it up 😂

I look for transparency upfront, and if not listed, I ask questions about what we can and cannot use use, what is and is not included, and what we will be additionally charged for using. 

Additionally, I always take pictures upon entry and exit, so that I can prove that I left it exactly as I found it, if not even better. Thus far, I've never needed to use them (knock on wood).

That doesn't mean I won't run into trouble with some crazy host in the future, that could still happen, but I guess up until now I've just been lucky?

Vacation rentals used to be a cheaper alternative to hotels, depending on what was provided, but the added fees are making this no longer a reality.

And humans, being humans, have found a way to cheat the system going both ways, both hosts and guests - and lack of accountability and security is also a problem.

So IMO, it is reasonable - and expected - for hosts to provide, at a minimum, clear instructions on what to do with trash, dishes, and linens, just as a hotel would. There should also be clear instruction on what items/services are included and not included, and what might incur a fee for usage. Lastly, there should be a clear and reasonable check-out time, none of this 9 a.m. stuff, giving no one time to pack up after likely a night out the night before, as well as what the consequences are for lateness.

All of this should be settled/agreed upon in advance. 

And if anything isn't listed upfront, then it's fair game for guest interpretation and they are thus not responsible.

Also IMO, it is reasonable - and expected - for guests to follow these rules and instructions and then report and/or pay for any excessive filth, damage, theft, or community disruption.

And if you as a guest don't follow these reasonable rules, then it's fair game for the hosts to charge fees and/or legally push for compensation.

However, you do get entitled people going both ways at times.

Now, on the side of the guests, we've all heard Airbnb horror stories about creepy hosts and hidden cameras, etc., but what are actually the most common issues guest encounter?

Top 10 complaints From the GUEST side:

1. Misleading photos/scams.

2. Lack of cleanliness upon arrival.

3. Hidden fees/charging extra cleaning fees later, including items advertised as being included or appeared complimentary (and this is why I always take pictures upon entry and ask before I use anything).

4. Unresponsive hosts. 

5. Problems with check-in, particularly lockboxes or digital entry. 

6. Maintenance issues such as appliances not working that the guest was not informed of in advance or are not immediately fixed. 

7.  Cameras in every room, sometimes hidden - including in the bathroom and bedrooms.

8. Unannounced host visits/creepy hosts.

9. Lack of privacy or security issues in the environment - either in the neighborhood or by the hosts themselves.

10.  The platforms themselves do not protect either the host or guests properly or refund accordingly when things do go wrong.

You can find plenty of videos on the above, but on the note of both numbers 8 and 9, here is the most hilariously absurd Airbnb clip I've seen.

Edited - I just checked, because though I've seen and heard way worse, something about this video rung staged alarm bells to - as in how did he know to film it? 

FYI, this one IS fake -  I originally saw this incorporated within other videos, but after checking, I found the original - and that it WAS, in fact, a comedy sketch - and yet I've actually seen/heard worse and creepier that were NOT funny (see below personal stories from hosts and guests that I personally know) - but still sharing it because it's a hilarious take on the lack of privacy in Airbnbs! 

The funniest is the guest's giggle and response to the situation ...

"But where are your trousers, Mate?" 😂

There are also many more recent videos of guests fighting back against the charges, to including owners filming themselves trying to publicly shame guests, clearly looking for anything they can charge for, which actually backfires on them.

Like charging for an unmade bed, though you are washing their sheets (hopefully) after they leave? 

Or a water bottle left on the counter while in a hurry to leave?

Or a stool moved to gain access to the closet?

Or for actually eating and drinking in the home?

I mean, that's just absurd. 

Again, this is why I take pictures upon entry and before I leave, ensuring I leave the house exactly as it was and even more immaculate than I found it - including making the bed - because  I never underestimate the power of human greed, and some of these hosts are gonna squeeze every penny they can, especially in this troubled economy.

Conversely, here are the Top 10 complaints from the HOST side ... 

1. Excessive filth, damage, theft and/or sale of home items on online - and denial of it.

2. Extra guests. 

3. Unauthorized pets.            

4.  Smoking.  

5.  Noise disturbances.

6.  Lack of responsiveness/hostility from guests.

7. Late checkout.

8. Extortion for refunds. 

9.  Squatters.

10.  The platforms themselves do not protect either the host or guests properly or refund accordingly when things do go wrong.

Though there are a plethora of trashed Airbnb videos, this one had me scratching my head?

@the_alex_j Rented my house on Airbnb and got trashed #airbnb #airbnbhost #fyp #viralvideo ♬ original sound - The_Alex_J

So ... they left blood on the carpet, punched holes in the wall, and stole stuff - but they replaced the dining room table with a new set with tags still on it - whaaa? 😂

So you run out and buy a cheap dining room table and chairs to replace the other one, but do nothing about the smashed TVs or holes in the walls? 😂

Alllllllrighty.

But I mean, what in the holy hell went on, in there?

Ya know what? 

Never mind - seriously, I don't wanna know.

So I've made 2 friends through renting on Airbnb or VRBO actually, 2 hosts - or at least we chat and give life updates because we just hit it off. Not like my BFFS or anything, but if I visit there again we will hang out.

So the first one is our favorite cabin in North Carolina, who has stopped using both platforms and just rents to known, trusted guests - both because of bad experiences since AND because of VRBO adding extra fees to their own.

The second moved to France, but just before doing so, stopped renting her place out because one guest apparently had some sort of drug-induced mental health crisis.

After doing meth, this guy literally sat up all night and cut all of the  illustrations and pictures out of all her books!?!

Did I mention she's a book editor for a living and had a rare book collection?

Regardless, she had a tough time going back and forth with Airbnb over the damage and finally hung it all up.

Yeah, it's enough to make you rethink the whole Airbnb thing going both ways, right?

It can still be done, but I think there should be more accountability, and there ought to be a feature that you can reject the listing upon arrival for misrepresentation, home condition and/or unlisted charges, like giving you 2 hours to fully inspect the home and read all rules before agreements are finalized - and if there's any problem with either guest or host at any time after that during the stay, there needs to be immediate investigation by Airbnb or VRBO.

VRBO's reputation as a company and situation handling is still slightly better, and yet there are issues there as well.

Thus, I think either we'll stay with already-known trusted hosts or hotels, or stay places we rent from actual real estate management companies? 

There's also the option of renting these places from Expedia or Booking.com, now, but not sure about how they handle issues either.

Be careful and safe out there!

The Gentleman: Season 2 - Meh

 

Okay, so ... I loved Season 1, let me start there.

Season 2 is - meh.

For starters, Eddie went from being a stand-up, honest, morally conflicted person trapped in this situation he has to get his family out of (who ends up being good at this "situation") to ruthless, old-school, British colonizer/aristocratic douchebag -  apparently sometime offscreen between Season 1 and Season 2?

Because in the season opener he tells Geoffrey what he wants, which is basically as far as the eye can see, wanting everything the light touches like he's the freaking British Lion King.

I literally was thinking "Who is THIS, now?" and "Ewww."

Also, besides dragging in parts between the good stuff - in addition to Guy Ritchie, a man famous for creating his own clever plotlines and twists, regurgitating some of his own former plotlines -  has somehow also shamelessly swiped character development and plotlines from  Peaky Blinders, Ozark, and Breaking Bad. 

This is all stuff that was brilliant when originally done - but we've seen it all before, at this point - there's nothing fresh here except the very shocking bloody end (and by bloody I do NOT mean it in the British way, I mean literally bloody).

I mean, if you haven't seen any of those films or shows already, then I guess you're in for a treat - but otherwise, I literally started yawning about midway through.

Also, although I love Bella and I love the chemistry between Eddie and Bella - there was no romance time here. There was an ongoing attraction/flirtation whenever they saw each other, which was rare, then suddenly they're deeply in love and getting married, but they have no idea who the other person really is? Alrighty.

Also, is insatiable, murderous greed and power abuse compatible with being that deeply in love?

I don't know the answer to that - but I wanna say - "No."

I know the tagline for this season is "Ambition Can't Be Tamed" - but clearly, Bella did tame him as far as commitment and love - AND he became a ruthless MF.

I'm not saying that ruthless gangsters don't also genuinely love their families and that there isn't honor among thieves - I'm just saying that when you are in the initial throes of falling in love especially, the power of the sensation of love makes everything look and feel brighter, love changes you - you're actually the best version of yourself when in love, not the worst?

I could understand someone becoming like that after that person was murdered or something, but before or during?

And also, even true crime bosses rarely do these things themselves, they usually order it, right?

And there are some very real, true stories about criminals changing their ways after finding love, in fact - and the fact is, love does soften you - so I'm not sure that being deep in love and bloodthirsty power lust are actually compatible?

I'm not sure that bloodthirsty criminals were ever in love or loved.

In fact, I'm not even sure they're capable of love - it's not like known serial killers were also deeply in love with someone and were like "Honey, I love you madly, but I gotta go out and torture and kill someone with my bare hands now." 😂

I mean, it just doesn't happen. If they are in relationships, it's either a cover or they're monstrous within them, too.

And I dunno, I have always thought men like that collect women like they collect their favorite guns rather than true love lol.

Thus, my theory is that true love  - and I mean real love - and murderous, power-abusing, hate-filled impulse are incompatible - and I hope no one proves me wrong lol.

Also, SPOILER ALERT - who else predicted what would happen to Bella from the beginning, because it's been very clear from season 1 that Susie is the most appropriate person for him in his profession and they're just dragging out the sexual tension for as long as they can because ending it has ruined shows.

However, there is that pesky class thing in the way - there's always that pesky class thing in the way, in Britain, isn't there? 

AND - it's stupid. 

At this point, generations of spoiling privilege (not to mention inbreeding) don't result in the best stock anymore, genetically OR with regard to cultivating character  - sorry, European Aristocracy. 

In fact, considering the methods we now know were used to obtain power, I'm not sure they ever were the best man for the job in the first place instead of just the most ruthless, and the same is true in America.

Now, don't get me wrong, both the casting and the acting are excellent. There's literally no one miscast and everyone is convincing - Guy Ritchie - or his casting director - always does an excellent job with that and it continues here. 

In fact, if there's a reason to watch this show, it's literally because of the casting/acting.

Also, I nominate Theo James to be the next James Bond, who's with me?

But is it worth a watch, this season?

Considering the time of year it is and the lack of premieres, maybe. But if it was released with other premieres of other shows, after having seen it, quite honestly, it'd go on the back burner. 

Overall disappointed - sorry, Guy.

Still Editing The Knives Out Posts ...

 

Just FYI, as mentioned in that post, the post is still being edited, but quite honestly, I try not to think about this stuff anymore - so I only go back and work on it if reminded. 

So I did a big delivery to Nicholasville, last night, and I hadn't been there in a couple of years - thus, I was reminded and just made an important edit.

So ... I do think that Kim genuinely wanted to keep the farm somehow -  but she also knew that wasn't sustainable - no one was going to live there OR do farm work.

And this is where my telling her about the one-time 1996 development offer of $10 million came into play, which I believe largely influenced her behavior at that time - even though I did tell her it was likely not worth a fraction of that otherwise.

Quite honestly, by the end of all that, it didn't matter to me anymore what happened to the farm because my onetime childhood escape and refuge had now also become another source of family trauma.

But just an FYI -  had Kim let me stay, Mark and I could've boarded horses, as there is a huge need for that in this area now, and Mark has decades of experience. 

Also, if you were going to sell it, had Kim waited until now, she would've made much more. There's a new brand new WaWa restaurant and gas station sitting on the corner, as well as other new restaurants that have gone up fairly close.  Nicholasville has exploded with restaurants and shops in the last 2 years and is still building.

Regardless, the end result turned out exactly as I predicted, though nobody wants to admit it.

The farm is gone, the money is gone, and Kim cut contact with all family and took off to live in Norway permanently, never lifting a finger of giving actual physical or emotional care for Mom.

You can keep making excuses , you can dress it up to try make that about other things -  but in the end, it's exactly as I predicted.

I'm sorry you believed her and went along with it all and justified it - but that IS the truth/reality.

Regardless, I still love you all and have forgiven you (though no one asked lol - and Kim's a little harder, I admit) - but I also can't just pretend that none of that ever happened, I'm sorry.

Aside: I understand why Kim is the way she is more than anybody, and for a long time, I was her biggest defender and excuser.

The truth is, she believes her own internal fears as truth despite lack of evidence and then acts on them as if fact, often preparing for wars that are only going on in her head anyway  - and will say and do anything to convince you, too. She also projects onto everyone else what she is doing (much like Mom did before treatment).

But not standing up to her, excusing her, etc. isn't good for her and it isn't good for anybody else around her, it enables her - and when I stopped doing it in therapy, just before McKenna was born, that is when our pseudo closeness ended.

Also, most of us who have been abused or bullied at some point before adulthood make a decision that we never want to make anyone else feel the way we did - but some others choose instead to adopt those same bullying tactics themselves, perhaps to feel stronger/distract from their own insecurities?

In doing so, they essentially catch the same disease of the people that "bit" them - and thus essentially become them -  without ever realizing it, believing they are justified. 

That is unfortunately what happened to Kim. 

But back to my point, I've tried fairly recently to reconnect with Mom and R, but something inside kept screaming at me, often in the form of nightmares or sleeplessness.

I think because even though I wasn't thinking of any of it consciously, some part of me knew it still wasn't safe AND that though pretending none of it ever happened may work for you, it doesn't work for me. 

I know it will never be acknowledged -  and at 83, Mom really can't and perhaps shouldn't - but I have also since learned to value myself enough to acknowledge it myself when no one else is willing to. 

And as much as I feel compassion for the situation now, I have also learned that there are (and should be) consequences for poor choices made then - the consequences of them shouldn't have been only to me.

Mom's in the best capable hands with Ruthie, who is doing an amazing job😍!

("Bitch, you doing a great job!" 😂)

Now, the only not-so-positive thing I have to say to you, Ru, is - I agree that not getting involved/in the middle shows good boundaries, but only to a point - the exception being, of course, if someone is being harmed or abused by someone else.

At that point, there is an adult responsibility to step in - and citing "boundaries" for not doing so then becomes self-preserving excuse. Ya feel me?  😉 

I adore you, though, Ru - you know that! 🥰

So the best I can do is send you well wishes for birthdays and holidays, just to let you know I still love all of you and always will 💖