While thinking about this, the news came in that Prince William made history by being the first royal to appear on The Graham Norton Show," so I watched the clip.
At the same time, Mark and I had been catching up on the latest season of "The Reluctant Traveler" with Eugene Levy, which includes the episode where he has a pint with Prince William.
Yes, I realize these appearances are strategic PR for Prince William - and yet I still found him to be warm, engaging, approachable, surprisingly VERY funny, very open and authentic - and I feel the same way about Harry, just in different ways, according to their extroverted versus introverted personalities and what's permitted in their roles within the royal family.
In fact, some of the things that William discussed with Gene Levy parroted things Harry has said previously, though William previously famously disagreed with him just a few years ago.
For instance, remember when William proclaimed publicly through COVID facemask that "the royal family is NOT racist" - drawing praise from the old British guard, but mostly snickers from the majority of us "commoners?"
Because this is the British Empire we're talking about - the largest and most aggressive colonizers and enslavers for the last 3 centuries, and one of last of the colonizers to go to war when those colonies/territories wanted their independence, within the last century.
And they continued to deny Caribbean and African colonies/territories their independence up until a few years ago.
And to this day, there has been not been a single royal-bestowed aristocratic title on a single person of color that was not the result of a recent marriage, birth, or adoption.
And though there have been a few rare people of color knighted previously, the United Kingdom only recently began knighting black celebrities regularly for their contributions in 2017.
But alrighty, William - let's pretend the royal family had no choice or hand in that, and that institutionalized, systemic racism no longer exists in Britain anymore, handling these accusations with more white fragility and family defensiveness, that'll work? 😂
HOWEVER - that was all gone in William's visit with Gene Levy - replaced by a candid admission that the royal family does indeed have a history of wrongful systemic practices that DO, in fact, need changing, that they need to "do better" with, as well as there should be more transparency.
Though William still has never overshared like Harry, he WAS less formal and actually very funny, very open about personal challenges to the point of being ever so slightly sentimental at times.
Speaking of which, it's really nice to see this less shy version of William, finally coming out of his shell like his mother eventually did.
As he stated himself to Gene, he finally stopped taking it all so seriously, stopped trying to fulfill the role to perfect formality, stopped fearing judgment he can't control, and just started to have more fun with the role - exactly as his mother did decades ago 😊
As for Harry, he's been less vocal and less overshare-y.
So I swear to goodness, it was almost like they suddenly semi switched places! 😂
Maybe ... just maybe ... they've started seeing the value in the other's perspective?
Can we hope for that or is it too soon?
At the very least, though I could always see the best parts of their mother in both of them, the difference is that now, they are BOTH embracing these qualities as being things to be commended, rather than semi-ashamed of - and it's a good thing. 😊
Her warmth and approachability, empathy, compassion, openness, and sincerity.
Her desire to use her position to make a positive impact in the world.
Her roll-up-her-own-sleeves, hands-on approach with causes and charities instead of just giving wooden speeches and then walking away.
Her bravery in calling out the royal family/British Empire for their history, lack of transparency and other wrongful, antiquated practices that have caused hurt and harm to others for centuries (which should have been abolished or at least publicly denounced long ago).
And lastly, publicly learning lessons in front of our eyes that she, herself, had to learn the hard way (but unfortunately, she wasn't there to teach them).
But the press keeps trying to turn their appearances into a competition, but I'm not sure that's true - in fact, I may even see the opposite as being true.
To me, it's more like a couple that has broken up, but you're still friends with both of them - only you have to be careful of what you do with whom and when, lest it be seen as taking sides - and neither former member of the couple wants those people to feel in the middle.
To the point if they make appearances, then it's like the other one can't or won't or something?
And then there's the Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce wedding situation - despite known amicable ties with both, Taylor and Travis chose to either not to invite either couple or the couples chose not to attend (either for security reasons or to not try send any message at all about the other one), we don't know - but we DO know they made appearances together around that time together in other ways.
Now - do I think they made huge mistakes on when to speak up and when not to, as well what should be private and what shouldn't?
(Specifically, with Harry oversharing and William not sharing enough?)
Of course - but haven't we all?
Especially with the advent of social media, we either overshare or don't say enough or aren't clear, leaving people to misinterpret or wildly speculate.
Do I think the offenses towards each other were equal and 50/50?
No.
I think the royal family made the same mistake they made with Diana in the beginning - they didn't speak up or support Meghan publicly when the press and paparazzi were merciless with her - and in Meghan's case, there were racist tropes used - which the royal family DEFINITELY should have publicly denounced.
I think their silence (again) hurt Harry and Meghan, plus worried them with the lack of security legislated for them based on their titles, and especially pissed Harry off, after what happened to his mother.
I mean, essentially, it was the merciless paparazzi that helped kill Diana, by chasing behind her in a tunnel, and there has been no legislation since to stop them.
Now - did Harry and Megan handle that well?
No - not at all lol.
They went on their own little PR public campaign publically telling their side and perhaps oversharing, while at the same time, asking for privacy, which appeared to be somewhat of a confusing oxymoron like "Don't look at us, but look at us?"
But at the same time, the same thing that happened to his mother was now happening to his wife - and worse, racists were now involved and the royal family said/did nothing- so can you blame him for overreacting, when this same stuff literally killed his mother (tabloids/paparazzi chasing her through the tunnel)?
So ... in the end, I think my attitude towards them both stems from having this sort of maternal feeling towards them ever since their mother died, even though I've never met them.
As a young mother, that was the the saddest public thing I'd ever seen - 2 little boys walking behind their mother's casket, with a little handwritten envelope marked "Mummy" atop her casket,
I, and most other mothers, just wanted to scoop them up, adopt them, and protect them in our arms from this crazy, vicious fishbowl circus, and never let them go!
So I don't care what those boys or their wives do, I give them space to make their mistakes of youth (or marrying into this fishbowl and not being trained in the rules since birth) - especially after all they've been through, and hope they mature and learn from them, and if not, well, I'm disappointed in them, but we can hope.
I think they're both ultimately good boys who just needed time and space to process all that's happened to their family over the last few years, more time to mature, and more time to reflect on what the other one said and their own actions and just figure stuff out.
And I think we, the public, keep on making this same mistake of having to know every little thing about their private lives as if we're owed it, we keep snap-judging people based on one snapshot of their lives, assuming we'd handle it better, showing no mercy.
Essentially, we continue to fuel these aggressive tabloid and paparazzi intrusions out of our insatiable need to know every little detail about their private lives that we actually don't need to know, repeating history, just as we did with their mother, despite it quite literally being responsible for killing her.
I mean, I'm just happy that after all they've been through, neither of them are in straight jackets or performing a mass shooting from the top of Big Ben! 😂
Now, you may be saying "Poor little rich kids" - but imagine having to deal with life in a global fishbowl with no room for error and perfect behavior expected, despite even normal life being hard - now tack on the violent death of your mother, family secrets and scandals (including your uncle being a pedophile), your grandmother the queen dying, 2 family members having cancer at the same time, all within a 4-year period.
Now - if you show emotion and don't stick to formal protocol, it's considered undignified and a cultural affront to the British norm of "stiff-upper-lip" stoicism; thus, you have failed your "one job" and should be fired, or burned, hanged, or drowned as a witch or warlock, or perhaps forced to walk through the streets naked, with people shouting "shame, shame, shame" and throwing fecal matter at you, Game of Thrones style, for doing so. 😂
(I joke, but in fact, I believe Jeremy Clarkson literally said that about Meghan Markle. He was joking, of course, but even suggesting that anything she's done is deserving of that kind of treatment isn't funny.)
But if you DON'T show emotion, then you're an ice king or ice queen who doesn't care about about anything but yourself, despite actually trying to be selfless and dutiful.
You can't win, as a royal - you're not allowed to be human.
So people often credit Diana for pointing out this unfair catch-22 for royals and the pressure it puts them under, but it was actually initially Prince Philip who was the originator of the idea of pulling back the curtain behind the scenes just a little bit, starting in the 70s, to see their humor, family warmth, and humanity a bit more.
Because when you put people on a pedestal that high, they're not humans anymore, they become fantasy objects.
This, of course, results in either there being no margin of error - OR - pretending they're perfect even when they're not, such that you take any criticism of them personally and fight anyone who dares to criticize them. 😂
Then again, save some of the mystery - if you see too much of their humanity, they lose their royal luster, respect, dignity, their personal security, and it becomes intrusive.
So how to find a balance?
That is the centuries-old question that obviously, William and Harry are still grappling with, only now in an age of social media and more global connectivity than we've ever had before.
Because we do want to know certain things, but there's also something to be said with preserving the dignified mystery of royals.
Like we DO want to know more things like their sense of humor, what's their favorite castle or room, their favorite royal relative or their most embarrassing, what's their favorite food, favorite type of music, hobbies, pets, and even what they find challenging about being a royal, nobody needs or even wants to see like Kate on the sofa in her hammies, eating a pint of ice cream because she's PMS-ing 😂
And although we DO want to know what troubles William or how he's faring with both his father and wife having cancer, we don't really need or even want to see him sobbing like a baby with worry over it, right?
Harry and William have made mistakes on what should be public and what should be private going both ways - Harry oversharing and William, not enough - but they both at least appear to have learned from each other recently?
As I said and wrote from the beginning of this clash, I, for one, hoped they'd reunite if given enough time and space - because in the end, there is no one else in the world who knows what it feels like to have gone through all the things they have and the pressures of being a royal other than each other and their family, so they need each other. They need to let each other in more, if no one else.
Now - back to the that extremely harsh and unfair treatment of Megan Markle since before they even married?
For more context, as mentioned above - also mentioned 2 posts below - I suspect that just like we know for a fact existed with Diana originally, there was an orchestrated PR "hit team," much like that which happened with Diana.
I am NOT saying anyone from the royal family themselves contracted a public relations "hit " on either Diana OR Meghan.
(And no, I do NOT believe the conspiracy theory that the royal family had Diana killed, I think that's absurd.)
What I AM saying is there's the royal family and then there's the "business" team of the royal family - whose job it is to damage control and spin things to protect the image of the royal family at all costs - particularly the primary royals.
I'm saying the latter - the business side of the family controlled by the state rather than the royals themselves - "might" have done so on their own accord, as they have done with all newcomers/outsiders to the family in a sort of pre-emptive strike.
During our generations, they did so with Philip, Diana, Kate, and now Meghan - only it's worse with Meghan because she's an American actress of color with zero aristocratic social status or ties.
In fact, both Harry and William have admitted these royal-access contracts with tabloids and paparazzi DO still exist despite what happened to Diana.
The rationale by the royal-family business for keeping them being that at least they have some control over what these outlets see and write about - and also historically, they have proven useful during times of scandal to protect the royal family image, despite truth.
However, both have also admitted that they disagreed with these tactics, but that they also have less control over it than people think they do - and if anything, it's the other way around.
(If you've ever watched "The Crown," you can see exactly how this works, and that the Queen herself clashed with them over how they were presenting Philip, and in fact, she elevated Philip from Queen consort to Prince as a direct result of this to combat them.)
Because they were aware that certain family members actively used these tabloid/paparazzi contracts to smear-campaign each other during divorces or affairs or other scandals to sway public sentiment, Harry claims they made a pact as children to never do that to one another.
In fact, according to Harry's book, "Spare," his biggest issue with William is that he believes that either William - and especially Kate - broke this pact - but William swears that neither he nor Kate did.
Also, don't forget, though people canonize Diana now, it wasn't always that way - those royal-access tabloids and paparazzi were absolutely merciless with Diana initially, capitalizing on every mistake she made.
And if they were THAT originally merciless with Diana as a white, British aristocrat (though some even called her a "commoner" because she was a "Lady", the lowest ranking in British Aristocracy) - how much worse was it going to be for an American actress of color, with no ties to aristocracy from get-go?
Also, historically, the "business" side of the royal family has forbidden them to ever comment personally on anything, and in this day and age, have personal social media or even personally post at the Royal Family website - the business side writes and publishes all posts there.
EXCEPT - this has apparently recently changed - because King Charles has personally posted statements there within the last year.
As I also said in that previous post, I think this change is happening with the advent of social media and the current state of politics - because for some inexplicable reason, silence is now interpreted as either a sign of guilt or lack of transparency, rather than what it actually usually is - not gracing ridiculous accusations with a response.
All of this to say, despite tabloid press and pundit pressure to pit people against each other for sport and ratings, fabricate accusations out of thin air and call it "free speech," jump to conclusions, polarize and take sides worse than ever before with the advent of social media?
Let's just ... not.
Because if this world is going to get any better, we need to STOP doing that.
We need to stop believing gossip until we actually see/hear all sides for ourselves in their full context and with credible evidence.
In short, let's give people the same benefit of the doubt we'd like others to give us?
Let's show the royals - and each other - a little bit more mercy than we've all been doing the last couple of decades , with the advent of both (false) Reality TV and social media.
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